dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
