You're completely useless in the revolution.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
