it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You need Xanax blowdarts
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
