He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
