come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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