Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
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So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
