Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
