Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
