Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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