Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
