It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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