but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
