I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
