she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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