i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
