This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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