he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
