I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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