I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
