Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
