just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I got her a Nickelback box set.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
