she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
