I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you would pick up someone in the library
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
