I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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