There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
