In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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