I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
this boner is exhausting
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
