Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
