So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
