I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
