So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
