He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
