im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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