Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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