Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
