Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
