your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
