we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
