We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
