I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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