The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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