I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
