good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
