genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
