i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
