dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
only if we run a train.
done.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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