You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Come on in and take your pants off
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
