I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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