i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
