I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
