Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
