Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
