he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
