talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
