Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
